Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
