I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
