just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
