you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
