It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
