If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
