told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
