I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
