you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
