Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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