just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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