We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Randomize
