After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
