woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
