At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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