Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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