If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Mom said you looked used
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
