She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Boobs are out for the taking
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
