I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
