He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it glows. i had to have it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
