New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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