I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
