I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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