I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
