Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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