party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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