just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
