a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
