I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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