the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
