i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
