I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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