Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
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also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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