I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
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You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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