Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
