Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
