well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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