I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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