Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize