i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
