I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
