How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
