She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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