i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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