My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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