i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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