wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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