Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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