You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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