What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
