Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
