If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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