I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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