so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We named our party play list daddy issues
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
