oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Randomize
