Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
