Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
