Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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