Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
