Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
