I'm gonna have a badass scar
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am mentally ready for anal.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
