Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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