once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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