Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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